Loss of Parent

The majority of us will experience the loss of a parent at some point in our lives. It is a “rite of passage” that follows the normal course of a lifespan. That doesn’t make it easy or “lighter” on the scale of grief. In fact, losing a parent or caregiver can tear us at the core, because in some cases, that is our original source of life and love.

Some of us never get to meet our parents. Others have a parent in their lives for a short time. Some get to see their parents live to a ripe old age. Whatever the situation, it can come with it’s own host of joy and pain.  

Online Resources

• Family Lives On

• Children Grieve

• Counseling Corner

• Association for Play Therapy

• Guiding our youth through the storms of life: Rainbows for all children

• Surviving Life After a Parent Dies

• Griefnet

• Grief Share

• Dougy Center

Support Groups

Local School Site

Ask your local school site if the school-based mental health team is able to provide short-term individual or group counseling support for grief/loss.

Drop in Groups

Child’s Bereavement Art Therapy (ages 4-16)

www.checksutterfirst.org

916-454-6555

• For loss within the past year: 3-6 month waiting period

Bereavement Outreach Meetings (open to the public)

www.griefhelpsacramento.com

• Education 1st and 3rd weeks of the month

• Sharing groups 2nd, 4th, and 5th weeks of the month

• 7:30-9pm

Sutter Grief Support

www.suttercareathome.org

916-388-6215 or 916-388-6255

Counseling

Grief Recovery Method

916-764-3062

• Host: Heather Brooks

Creekside Counseling Associates of Elk Grove

creeksidetherapists.com

916-685-5258

A Place Within Counseling – Folsom

www.theplacewithinfolsom.com

Activities

CAMP HOPE

www.camphopeca.com

THE BREATHING SPACE

www.ourbreathingspace.com

• Guided Meditation – Jill Weston

• 916-201-3335

FAMILY LIVES ON

PO Box 494

Lionville, PA 19353

(610) 458-1690

www.familyliveson.org

*Family Lives On makes it possible for children and teens, ages 3-18, whose mother or father has died, to continue traditions, or family activities, that they used to celebrate with their deceased parent, EVERY year until they turn 18.  Parents embrace the Tradition Program because its family based and truly child focused. Children and teens embrace it because they get to select which tradition they want to continue (and are excited about doing so!). The average child chooses to remain in our program for 7.2 years.

 Services are provided at no cost to the family and available anywhere in the United States.

Education

Financial Peace University

Wills/Trusts/Life Insurance

Funeral Planning

Words That Help and Hurt

How to Write an Obituary

Physical Health

Supporting Children

Children suffer grief when someone they know and love dies, although they may express their feelings somewhat differently than adults. Although they may seem relatively unaffected, they are processing their feelings through age-appropriate play and conversations. The child's age determines the degree of understanding she or he will have, and adults need to modify their explanations and support to meet the developmental maturity of the child.

It is not uncommon for children to feel left out of the experience of the adults, so a special effort needs to be made to help them find age-appropriate ways to participate in the events surrounding the death. Writing a letter to the loved one, drawing a picture, participating in the funeral or memorial service, or sharing stories and tears with others who are also grieving, helps them feel included and supports their healing. Be prepared to answer questions about death and what happens after a loved one dies.

WAYS TO SUPPORT CHILDREN

The following are a few ways to support children during the grieving process:

·        Offer physical closeness, comfort and reassurance.

·        Talk about special memories and relationships with the deceased.

·        Read books about grief, look through photo albums together.

·        Acknowledge and validate feelings.

·        Talk about your family's ethnic or faith tradition about life, death and the afterlife.

·        Be patient.

·        Know that it's alright not to have all the answers. Children need adults to contemplate with them on important matters.

HELPING CHILDREN WITH FUNERALS AND MEMORIALS

Allowing children and teens to say goodbye to the person who died is an important part of their grieving process. Participating in a service will show children how important their loved one was to others, and will let them know that it is okay to grieve.

Before the service, it is helpful to let children know what to expect: What is going to happen, who will be there, when and where it will take place and why it's important. Let children's questions and natural curiosity guide the discussion. If you are also grieving, it is helpful to assign another adult to share responsibility for observing and supporting children during the funeral or memorial.

Some children may wish to participate in the service. Bereaved children feel that their feelings matter when they can share a favorite memory or read a special poem as part of the funeral. Shy or young children can participate by lighting a candle or placing something special in the casket or on an altar. Depending on age and emotional maturity, children can also help pick out the casket, select clothing or jewelry for a loved one to wear, or select songs, music or readings for the ritual.

Should children choose not to participate, invite them to create their own ritual or activity for saying goodbye — for example, lighting a candle or planting a special flower or tree.

Books & Media

CHILDREN

• Someone I Love Died

• When Bad Things Happen

• Not the End: A Child’s Journey

• Where are You? A Child's Book about Loss (ages 2–5)

• Someone I Love Is Sick: Helping Very Young Children Cope with Cancer in the Family (ages 2–5)

• When Dinosaurs Die: A Guide to Understanding Death (ages 4–8)

• About Dying

• Alicia Afterimage (ages 12 and up)

• Am I Still A Sister?(ages 6-teen)

• The Brightest Star

• Daddy, Up and Down (ages preschool-10)

• The Dead Bird. Margaret Wise Brown (preschoolers)

• Death Is Hard To Live With

• Fall of Freddie the Leaf

• Fire in My Heart, Ice in My Veins, a Journal for Teenagers Expressing a Loss

TEENS

• The Grieving Teen: A Guide for Teenagers and Their Friends

• Straight Talk about Death for Teenagers: How to Cope with Losing Someone You Love

• When Will the Hurting Stop: Teens, Loss and Grief

• When a Friend Dies: A Book for Teens about Grieving and Healing

ADULTS

• Healing After Loss: Daily Meditations for Working Through Grief

• The Problem with Pain

• How to Help Children Through a Parent's Serious Illness

• A Tiny Boat at Sea

• When a Parent Has Cancer

• How Do We Tell the Children: A Step-By-Step Guide for Helping Children Two to Teen Cope When Someone Dies

• Helping Children Cope with the Loss of a Loved One: A Guide for Grownups

• Talking About Death: A Dialogue Between Parent and Child

• Talking With Children About Loss

• Flowers In December - Jane Suen

• How Long Does Sad Last? A Workbook for Grieving Children

• My Grieving Journey Book

• The Grief Recovery Handbook

• Counseling Children and Adolescents through Grief and Loss

• How to Survive the Loss of a Parent

• Remembering Mother, Finding Myself

• Losing a Parent

• The Orphaned Adult

• Healing Grief

• Water Bugs and Dragonflies

• A Grace Disguised: How the Soul Grows Through Loss

• When God Doesn’t Make Sense

• Living with Grief: Children, Adolescents, and Loss

Movies/TV/Podcasts

CHILDREN

• Bambi

• Lion King

• Frozen

TEENS

• Stepmom

ADULTS

• This Is Us