A Journey to Self-Love and Healing Growth
In a world that often encourages us to focus on everything and everyone around us, it's easy to lose sight of ourselves, our value, and our own healing process. In our recent workshop titled "Love’s Embrace: Loving Yourself Enough to Heal”, participants were invited to explore insights into self-love, personal growth, and the path to becoming their truest selves. Remember, your truest self is your most authentic self.
You can do this too. The process starts by first, recognizing who you are and who you aren’t. Try this simple yet powerful exercise. Envision someone you admire and also someone who irritates you. What words would you use to describe these individuals? Would it surprise you to discover that many of the qualities you admired or disliked in the people you pictured are qualities you possess? Yes, you have both the positive attributes you admire and the irritating qualities too.
Over time, you have subconsciously stored subtle, negative messages from the influential people in your life that have led you to doubt and judge yourself. Recognizing these influences, the labels, and comments that shaped your self-perception, helps with understanding why you might view yourself in a less than positive light. Only when you recognize what is truly you and what was assigned to you, can you make the decision of what to keep and what to let go. Understand that to truly love yourself, you must embrace all parts of yourself—the ones you admire and the ones deemed “unacceptable” by you or others. Why? Because the better you think of yourself, the better your chances of being well - emotionally, mentally, physically, and spiritually. Here’s a hint to figure out qualities you judge in yourself: notice what triggers you. Then take some time to journal about what triggered you and why, you’ll no doubt discover themes that come up (I’m not enough, I’m too much, I only have value when…). These themes that play in your subconscious on loop keep you from understanding your value…your worth. And if you want help with shifting those triggers, try my B.A.L.M.S. formula here.
Understanding your worth is a personal journey and not something we can outsource to others. Though they don’t do it intentionally, friends and loved ones will always highlight the qualities they see in you that also serve them. Identifying what YOU value and what has been handed down to you from previous generations and/ or friends is essential for identifying your mission (why you are here) and setting your personal GPS to guide you on that mission. You can jumpstart the process by taking a personal values test (you can try this one or one of many free options offered online). Once you’ve identified your core values, they can now be used to serve as a guide for making decisions and understanding what truly matters to you. Simply put, knowing and honoring your values allows you to say “no” to opportunities that don't align with you. And when you align your actions with your values it is a green light to lead a life that brings you more fulfillment and joy.
In the process of becoming more authentic, it’s essential to understand that change is a constant in our world and change requires movement. To move personally or emotionally from one place to another often requires some sort of personal sacrifice. Sacrifice is often associated with loss but what if you learned to see it as giving up something less valuable for something of greater worth? It would be more welcomed wouldn’t it? And as an added bonus, it would speed up your growth exponentially. Assessing and integrating the spiritual, mental, emotional, and physical parts of yourself is crucial for this transformation. In order to do that, you must first look at each of these areas and identify where you may be holding onto any outdated beliefs, negative habits, or stuck emotions that need to be released. Or perhaps, you’ll find yourself called to explore what new habits or skills are necessary for your growth toward your dream life. As a way of symbolically internalizing this process, take a small piece of paper and write what you want to grow in yourself on one side and what you want to release on the other, then go outside and dig a hole, drop it in, and envision it being used to grow yourself and others.
Dr. Benjamin Hardy's book, “Become Your Future Self Now,” states that we are pulled forward by the future we desire. In other words, your vision of your future self must be so detailed and the emotions connected to it so intense that it happens. I mean, think about it, if you are wanting to go to the ocean, you don’t just get in the car and drive, do you? No! You research the beaches, look at the amenities available nearby, check the weather, choose your outfit, pack the car with refreshments and snacks, then map out a course by setting your GPS, and follow its instructions to a tee. Why wouldn’t you do the same thing with your life? I want to encourage you to do what Dr. Hardy suggests and write a letter from your future self to your current self, describing your life (your desired life) as you hope it will be six months from now with every specific detail (what you look like physically, how you are feeling emotionally, etc.) Create a detailed vision in your letter that you would LOVE to be pulled toward. Then seal that letter, yes you really have to write it…no typing or dictating it, and clip it to your planner or calendar 6 months from now. When that day arrives 6 months from now, be sure to open and read it. My hope is that you will have surpassed your vision for your future.
Doing the exercises I described above and taking time for yourself are the biggest demonstrations of self-love you can do. So, schedule time for yourself each day…even if it’s in the magic time of the morning just as you are waking up but your eyes aren’t open yet. Take that moment to declare this affirmation over yourself, “My love for myself is healing me and those around me every day.” and watch how you feel about yourself change for the better.
Only by embracing all parts of yourself, recognizing your worth, letting go of what no longer serves you, and lovingly nurturing yourself through change, can you become your best, truest, most authentic self.
Lynda Malka, Mindset Coach