What is Grief Brain & Why You Keep Forgetting Everything

Grief Brain Explained

Have you been struggling with basic everyday tasks since your loss? Do you feel like to you can’t concentrate, read the same sentence over and over again, and forget why you went into a room? Are you thinking to yourself, “What is wrong with me?”

Chances are, you have grief brain. This is a very real cognitive and neurological effect many people experience after loss. You might have heard people being in the “fog of grief”, because that’s exactly what grief brain looks and feels like.

~difficulty concentrating and making decisions.

~feeling “out of it”.

~can’t complete basic tasks.

~becoming easily overwhelmed by thoughts of grief, sadness, loneliness.

~forgetting appointments.

~feeling exhausted all the time.

~increased irritability

~feeling anxious all the time.

~headaches, body aches, and muscle tension.

~lack of energy

~inability to feel pleasure (Anhedonia)

Grief effects every part of our body including our nervous system. When someone you love dies, your brain shifts into survival mode and your system puts all its energy into stabilization. This means everything else has to fight for the remaining energy.

So, you have grief brain, now what?

It is important to be patient with yourself and to remember that grief brain is a condition that is not permanent. Everyone experiences loss, but each of us mourn differently. Try to not compare yourself to others and how they grieve. There are little things you can do every day to cope with grief brain. Here are a few ways to try:

1.  Writing/Journaling

Writing down thoughts, memories, dreams in a notebook often helps process emotions and helps you become more aware of where you might be “stuck”.

2.  Seek Support

Finding people who support your journey in a nonjudgemental way help you feel less isolated. Consider connecting with a support group either virtual or in-person. There is no “one size fits all” group and you might have to try a few out before you find one that works for you.

3.  Engage in Self-Care

Include self-care activities in your life. This can look as simple as walks, good food, plenty of rest, and friend time. Self-care doesn’t have to be expensive, but it is necessary. Make a list of self-care activities for yourself and try to pick one every day.

4.  Prayer/Meditation

Take time for silent time with yourself, without distractions. This practice is powerful for the mind and body that works with the nervous system. While you’re praying and meditating, you’re unconsciously regulating blood pressure, increasing oxygen levels, reducing stress and relaxing muscles.

5.  Give Yourself Grace

Get comfortable with feeling whatever you’re feeling. Tell yourself it’s ok to not be ok. Allow yourself the time and space you need to process all of the messy emotions that come after loss. If you stuff these down into the abyss, they will lie and wait for an opportunity to hit you again. This is how grief works. When you practice kindness with yourself, you’re nurturing yourself the way a good friend would.

6.  Reduce Outside Stressors in Your Life

Sometimes, we don’t realize we are swimming in unhealthy habits. This could be alcohol or drug use, food or sex addiction, gambling or a number of other short-term fixes to “numb” your grief.

Remember these key points:

-Pushing yourself harder often makes the fog thicker.

-Support your nervous system while you heal. Give yourself lots of space to be with all your emotions. Don’t put unrealistic expectations on yourself.

-Your brain is working overtime to “rewrite” your internal map of your new world. Acknowledgement goes a long way.

-Let yourself be ok with resting, having slow days, not doing much of anything. Inside is doing a lot of mending and that takes energy.

Grief will never end, because we don’t ever get our person back in this lifetime. With time, connection, growth and healthy coping skills, the sting of death can lessen. Finding a path that works for you is possible. Do not give up hope. You’re never alone in your grief.

Sending love your way,

Jill

Supporting Your Nervous System This Season ~ Simple Ways to Bring Calm & Balance To Your Body

As we head into the holiday season, it important to notice our body’s physical and mental stress, fatigue and overwhelm. Often as we approach big holidays, our body lets us know what’s coming…but we can also find opportunities to nurture ourselves with the slowing/changing patterns around us…in our weather and light.

At its core, the nervous system is your body’s communication network. It constantly sends and receives signals to keep everything in your body from running smoothly. The central nervous system (the brain and spinal cord) acts as the control center, processing information and making decisions.

The nervous system is designed to enable you to shift smoothly between states of alertness and relaxation. But modern life often overwhelms this system. Chronic stress, grief, past trauma, and even ongoing health challenges can trap the body in survival mode. Instead of moving fluidly between “fight or flight” and “rest and digest,” the system can get stuck, leaving you wired, exhausted, or both. Being stuck in a sympathetic state can have real physiological effects (physical symptoms), such as high blood pressure, metabolic issues, or stress and dysfunction of other organs like kidneys.

When this happens, symptoms show up not only in your mind but across the whole body: sleep issues like insomnia, gut problems like IBS, brain fog, anxiety, and a heightened sensitivity to stress. Over time, constant activation wears down the body’s resilience, making recovery harder and overall health decline.

When the nervous system gets stuck in patterns of stress, it can feel like you’re in an endless cycle of overwhelm. You can train your brain to break this cycle.

Try these methods on your own. I’ve added some explanations for some of those that you might be unfamiliar with.

~drink something warm

~watch a funny movie

~get adequate sleep

~stop the scroll

~try a new craft

~keep a gratitude journal (Try noticing 3 things every day)

~prioritize nourishing foods (It’s soup season!)

~cuddle with a pet…or someone else’s

~go for a walk

~watch the sunset/sunrise

~gardening

~read a good book

~have coffee/tea with friends

~get morning sunlight (30 mins, especially in the morning)

~daily meditation/prayer (try this from my friend Jill Weston)

~plan a fall outing (think apple picking or leaf collecting)

~experiment with a grounding practice (take your shoes off and stand in the grass)

~turn off the news

~use amber lights at night

~hug someone

~chew gum

~yoga/stretching

~get a massage (Check out our resources page)

~sing/listen to music you love

~dance to your favorite songs

~lay down and put your feet up against a wall

~breathwork

A simple pattern to try is inhale for 4 counts, exhale for 6 counts. Here’s how:

1. Find a comfortable position and relax your body.

2. Inhale through your nose for 4 counts.

3. Exhale slowly through your mouth for 6 counts.

4. Repeat this cycle for 2–3 minutes.~vagus nerve exercises

Vagus nerve exercises helps shift you into the parasympathetic “rest and digest” state, and when practiced regularly, it can lower your baseline tension, making it easier to feel calm and recover from stress.

~humming

The vibration created when you hum helps stimulate the vagus nerve and promote relaxation. You can do this anywhere—quietly on a walk, while traveling, or at home.

~grounding:

Grounding is a quick and effective way to calm your nervous system by reconnecting with your body and the support beneath you. This simple practice can be as short or long as you’d like, whether you’re standing with your feet rooted into the floor, sitting back in a chair, or lying down on a yoga mat or bed.

The exercise begins with a few deep breaths and a sigh, then guides you to focus on the part of your body that is in contact with the surface beneath you. It might be your feet, your back, or your whole body if you’re lying down.

~tapping technique (lymphatic stimulation):

Lightly tap along the back and inside of each arm, move up toward the neck, then tap the center of the chest and under the arms near the rib cage. You might even notice a yawn, which is a natural sign that your nervous system is shifting toward relaxation!

~progressive muscle relaxation:

Tense a muscle group (for example, your shoulders or thighs) for 2–3 seconds.

1. Exhale with a sigh and release all tension from your muscles.

2. Move through areas of the body (shoulders, arms, stomach, legs), first creating tension and before releasing.

3. Each time, take a moment to notice the feeling of deeper relaxation, like stepping down a staircase.

In addition to these at-home practices, I highly recommend working with Karen Penfold of Full of Hope Yoga if you’re in the Sacramento area to help you in your nervous system regulation journey. She has worked with Together We Heal Community for many years and specializes in regulation the nervous system. She has a course on this exact topic HERE.

Sources:

Re-Origin

Decluttering a Loved One’s Belongings After Their Passing

Losing a loved one is an emotional journey filled with grief, and one of the most challenging aspects is the process of letting go of their belongings. Each item holds memories and emotions, making the task a poignant and often bittersweet experience.

Regina Arnold states, “When you’re surrounded by your loved one's belongings, it can be easy to focus on the pain of their loss. However, if you choose to keep only the items that bring you joy, you can remember your loved one in positive and pleasant ways.

In this blog, we explore the steps involved in navigating this delicate process. We will be hosting “Decluttering Through Grief” with Arcelia Cervantes on March 16th to further dive into this subject and give you more help letting go of items.

Here are some tips to explore until then.

Give Yourself Time:

Grieving is a personal journey, and there is no universal timeline for healing. Allow yourself the time needed to process the loss before diving into the task of sorting through belongings. Rushing this process may intensify emotions and make it harder to let go.

Start Small:

Begin with less emotionally charged items. Sorting through less sentimental belongings first can help you ease into the process and gradually build the emotional strength needed for more challenging decisions.

Create a Support System:

 Enlist the help of friends or family members who can provide emotional support and assistance. Having someone to share memories with and offer guidance can make the process less isolating.

Preserve Memories:

Find a way to keep the memories with a smaller footprint on your space. Consider creating a memory box or scrapbook with some of your loved one's belongings. Select items that hold special significance and can be cherished as keepsakes. This allows you to preserve memories while making space for the future.

Donate and Repurpose:

Find purpose in letting go by donating items to charitable organizations or repurposing them. Knowing that your loved one's belongings are contributing to a positive cause can bring a sense of fulfillment and honor their memory.

Seek Professional Help:

If the process becomes overwhelming, consider seeking guidance from a grief counselor or therapist. They can provide coping strategies and emotional support to help you navigate the complexities of letting go. We are excited to partner with Arcelia Cervantes in March to discuss strategies in decluttering.

Create New Rituals:

Establishing new rituals or traditions can help you transition into a life without your loved one. Whether it's creating a memorial space or starting a new family tradition, finding ways to honor their memory in a positive light can aid the healing process.

Know When to Let Go:

Understand that some items may hold too much emotional weight, and it's okay not to part with everything. Focus on what feels right for you, acknowledging that letting go is a gradual process, and it's okay to keep certain items close.

Celebrate Their Life:

Instead of solely mourning the loss, celebrate the life your loved one lived. Reflect on the positive impact they had on your life and the lives of others. Keeping their spirit alive in your heart and through their legacy can bring comfort during this challenging time.

Letting go of a loved one's belongings is a unique and deeply personal journey. By approaching the process with compassion for yourself and your emotions, you can navigate this bittersweet experience and find a path toward healing.